2022.01.21 23:03 1ackscrear1v1te JUST BOUGHT RATED R CD
2022.01.21 23:03 Orneryoctupus Here we go again, what is this, fucking Livejournal?
Ugh, there goes what some people might call Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria again. I made a facebook post talking about how Valentines day is the day I was conceived and it was a day of mourning and one of my ex's liked the post. I take liking self deprecating posts as a way of expressing their hidden resentment towards me. I actually deleted this one girl I've known since the early 2000's off my facebook and tiktok because she edited her Happy Birthday post to me from a warm tone to a cold tone, as if facebook prompted her to do it and then she remembered who I was. Part of me thinks maybe I could be judging things too negatively but I just don't see why anyone would actually go out of their way to edit their post to change the tone from warm to cold if they didn't harbor some resentment that they didn't want to be outright about. I don't judge people for hating me, but if I pick up on hidden resentment, I figure I'll set you free. Anyway, I think I'm going to deal with this the way I meant to deal with C's tweet that ended our truce and just quietly back away, no more responding to tiktoks or any interaction anymore, the same thing she did to me because apparently that's an acceptable way to deal with these feelings.
Honestly, there really isn't a single person I'm relatively close to that I don't suspect of having hidden resentment towards me, even my first ex that I considered a friend, I'll call him R. I deleted everyone but 2 people off my facebook because I don't really know those other people and just don't feel comfortable being myself with them. The ex I mentioned above, I guess I'll call him F, and R are those two.
I also had another ex on there, M. This is one of the guys who led me on and then he broke up with me saying he had feelings for this girl who his friend was in a relationship with and he'd basically be stringing me along until he got a chance with her. The best part is, is that I wanted that situation to be very casual and no strings attached, but he was really good in bed and I accidentally developed feelings, and he said he doesn't like doing stuff outside of a relationship. He kind of is a lot like Shane, very depressed, very hilarious and we had uh...good times. M freaking got acid for me the first time we hung out as a couple, and they both led me on while they had feelings for somebody else. Well about M's depression...he is not like me, he is very very well loved. He'll make posts about how he can't find anybody to love him in a relationship and how he's worthless...and I can't help but roll my eyes violently.
See the thing is, even though I have depression, I still don't understand other people's depression. I'm like somebody who isn't depressed because I think most of mine is due the fact that people just fucking hate me and I feel if I was loved, I'd be fine. I too can not wrap my head around people who have a good life and are well loved but still depressed, the same way non-depressed people can't. I can't help but think "oh fucking please, try living life as me for a day, then you'll understand how it really feels and maybe when you back, you'll stop wasting your time being delusional thinking you're like me when you have people commenting under your posts disagreeing with you and saying they love you". I honestly think spending a day in my head would do these people some good, even if only for a little bit. I intellectually know that depression is a chemical imbalance and they can't help it but I can be delusional too and people have ZERO patience for it, I'm not exactly the best tree to bark up about that.
I see so many people who are so well loved killing themselves and I just don't understand why they don't at least have their lizard brain keeping them here. I stay alive because of lizard brain and also because I couldn't do that to my dad and my cats, even though I know most people would celebrate if I died, even though I know this town is better off without me...1 fucking person is enough. They have a fuckton of people they'd hurt, and they just...do it anyway. I don't understand it. I believe people have a right to die, especially if their life is horrible, but I don't understand why people with good lives but are depressed can't stick around when I can and when they have many many people who would be devastated. I feel bad for feeling this way but I guess I'm just not going to be someone who will ever be in their shoes, I'm never going to understand feeling depressed despite being so well loved and things are going well in my life, it just wasn't in the cards. At least non-depressed people always have a chance to develop depression at some point and understand, but there is no way in hell I ever will. As soon as both my cats and my dad are dead, I hope to hell I can get lizard brain to stfu with it's stupid fear of death and just fucking go already, I am so damn over being alive. I guess this is the dark side of prevention, there's some of us who really really want to go, and when we're kept here for whatever reason...well we're not going to be very happy about it and every single thing we have to do is a huge fucking bother, because we feel the grave calling us and feel that's where we belong, those of us with horrible lives who won't be missed, not the delusional.
Oh and I can't help but also roll my eyes at the people who lost their minds in quarantine. Oh, you have to be alone for 2 weeks or however long, but you can still communicate and receive love online from friends and family, oh you poor poor thing. Personally I think it's ridiculous that people can't survive 2 weeks alone without having a fucking meltdown, and before anyone judges me, they judge me for the shit they can deal with that causes me to meltdown so put that judgement of my judgement the fuck down. I think everyone should handle 2 weeks alone and be ok and not being able to is weakness. Now if they're worried about a loved one dying in that time, that's understandable, life is unpredictable and time can never be regained so that part I don't judge but the codependent part of it is just pathetic. There's a great chance your friends and family will still be there, you will be ok, you're not actually fucking alone the way some of us are, just go on facetime or something with them, they're right there, no need to freak the hell out because you have to go a whopping 2 weeks or so without a hug. This shit is exactly why the pandemic has gotten out of control, people can't stand to be alone. If we had locked down HAAAAARRRRD the first time it was discovered, we'd all be fine but now people are dying off in droves because other people can't handle lockdown or wearing fabric for short periods of time. Like it or not, Mother nature just validated the fuck out of me with this virus. Extroverts freak out when a lockdown is mentioned but us introverts are thriving because it's our fucking world now. These have actually been the best years of my recent life, they haven't been very fun but I've been away from people, I've had no men hurting me intentionally or not, haven't even cried really since summer of 2019. Most of the people dying are Trump supporters...it's like my "prayers" were answered but in a way I never intended or expected. I wanted to work from home forever and I fucking HATE republicans and want them off my planet. I only get one life, I don't have all fucking humanity existence long to wait around for society to progress and end this war on abortion and other human rights. Be republican all you want, but part of that is actively fighting against my fucking rights....I'm obviously gonna wish you'd fucking not, and apparently death is the only way they'll stop...they could just...not do that, that's cool too. It's kind of like how my lizard brain would treat someone actively trying to end my life...I really really rather not kill you, I'd really like you to just stop it but if you make your death the only way that'll happen... Lizard brain is very attached to life even if I'm not, very very annoyingly attached, if I can't even defeat it, good luck to anyone else trying to, but have at it, just please don't wake us up and make it easy on us both. I basically treat lizard brain like it's a seperate personality because when it's threatened, it basically takes over me and makes me fight for a life I don't even want and I can't stop it. You'd think everyone is like this, it's just the amygdala functioning the way it's designed to but apparently that's not the case.
submitted by Orneryoctupus to orneryoctopus [link] [comments]
2022.01.21 23:03 tepl0 Found this hanging in my hotel room… WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!
|submitted by tepl0 to CrappyDesign [link] [comments]|
2022.01.21 23:03 iamcalifw 🐕 Meta Shinji Just stealth launched 🚀 | Elon Tweeted about us | CG and CMC listing soon | A new member in Meta token family💥 | 🚀GEM x1000 moonshot | FairLaunch 💰| Just Launched
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2022.01.21 23:03 iamtrakstarjr #shorts After making this short, I wanna start directing way more of them 😅
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2022.01.21 23:03 CoolAmericanPedo I'm too dumb to understand this
While I was scrolling through patch 3.0, I saw this sentence; "Ever get tilted that you missed a smite because Baron leveled up in the middle of combat? Us too. We’re fixing it.
Monsters that level up in combat no longer gain current health from the level up"
What does this mean??
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2022.01.21 23:03 Sunnysidebk11 Anyone a pet physic? I want to know anything about my dog Tobi
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2022.01.21 23:03 Another_Bright_Idea Problem with downloaded songs?
Did anyone else have an issue with the last iOS update? All of my Apple Music library is no longer downloaded. It’s all there but none of it is downloaded. 4500 songs. I’m so irritated.
submitted by Another_Bright_Idea to AppleMusic [link] [comments]
2022.01.21 23:03 LavenderSoap1 changing game build failed
2022.01.21 23:03 SpiderTune Trading val 19 and mermaid 20
2022.01.21 23:03 redratus Can you help ID this skull?
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2022.01.21 23:03 181nyc Nice little winner with a free $50 bet, while The Hornets down 11 points with 3 minutes left! I didn’t think they could pull it off until they tied it with 9 seconds left along with a foul call for 1 shot to win the Quarter! Free cash!
|submitted by 181nyc to sportsbetting [link] [comments]|
2022.01.21 23:03 akkodiluc You guys know that Korn have never played Seed in live and idk why
2022.01.21 23:03 TaffyTafolla Should I File an Amended?
Sorry I know these questions suck without a full picture but just need a general idea if this is worth it. I received a W-2C from DFAS (military) for 2020. All that wonky stuff they did with Social Security, I was also deployed most of the year. The correction INCREASED the amount withheld from $1,526.06 to 2,293.49. So obviously I paid more than they know and that could be to my benefit, but it seems like such a tiny amount is it even worth the time/effort/cost?
submitted by TaffyTafolla to tax [link] [comments]
2022.01.21 23:03 SpearandMagicHelmet Testimonial and Appreciation of a Pie I Found Here Last Year
|submitted by SpearandMagicHelmet to Pizza [link] [comments]|
2022.01.21 23:03 Factory24 Good guy dealer - Phil Long Ford in Denver has zero markup on Lightning.
Got a call today to start my order of my Ford F150 Lightning￼￼ and The sales rep promptly informed me that there was zero markup with their dealership and MSRP of what we see on the website is what they will take. No additional fees￼
submitted by Factory24 to electricvehicles [link] [comments]
2022.01.21 23:03 AbleFox2 Episodes Missing ffrom Riveira series aon AMC+
Signed up for a trial today and started watching the series Riviera. Noticed that season 1 is missing episodes 2 and 4. All other episodes are shown. Is it normal that not all episodes are available for a particular show?
submitted by AbleFox2 to AMCPlus [link] [comments]
2022.01.21 23:03 randomusername3OOO Walensky: CDC language "pivoting" on "fully vaccinated"
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2022.01.21 23:03 fasmat A lot of "wheelers" in this sub don't know what they are doing
From posts on in this sub over the last month, it looks to me like most wheelers here have a IMHO a completely wrong approach to the strategy.
I see titles like: - "I have been assigned, but the stock keeps dropping what do I do now?" - buy more? You were willing to buy at a higher price and are getting a discount now! - "My put is ITM how can I roll it?" - Why would you? Isn't the point to be assigned? - "How do I lower my costbasis? I'm already down xx%?" - why do you consider your entry price for your exit strategy?
RIGHT now is the time to write CSPs on quality stocks, collect jucy premium and if you are lucky GET ASSIGNED. Isn't that the whole point of the wheel? Buying good stocks for cheap and getting paid in premium while we wait for the price to hit our desired purchase price?
The wheel is IMHO not a strategy that you are supposed to run in every market on stocks with high IV. You run it on quality stocks when their vola is high.
submitted by fasmat to thetagang [link] [comments]
2022.01.21 23:03 Icyender1105 Concept for an end version of Smiting/Illagers Bane.
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2022.01.21 23:03 HarryWarden1 Randomly generated character match up #5
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2022.01.21 23:03 Bigting7 ITS COOMEN ‘OME
2022.01.21 23:03 rae77777 Just look at this hanging basket of beautiful red flowers on an ordinary building.
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2022.01.21 23:03 A_Zesty_Carrot I think 30MM kits might be my new go to.
|submitted by A_Zesty_Carrot to Gunpla [link] [comments]|
2022.01.21 23:03 svanapps Why Altcoins Like Fantom and Litecoin Dived Today
|submitted by svanapps to CryptoToFuture [link] [comments]|